


First

by ssa_archivist



Series: Ordinal [1]
Category: Smallville
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, First Time, Futurefic, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-08-07
Updated: 2003-08-07
Packaged: 2017-11-01 06:04:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/352869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the "Day After" challenge of the fifth wave of ClexFest and the first in a series. Not exactly a road trip story, but in the same vein to get them out of Kansas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	First

## First

by Hecubus

<http://www.sjlee.org/smallville/>

* * *

First 

By Hecubus (hecubus928@yahoo.com)  
<http://www.sjlee.org/smallville/>

* * *

Disclaimer: Smallville and its characters are property of the WB and DC Comics. I don't any of it. This story is for entertainment purposes only. 

Author's notes: For the "Day After" challenge of the fifth wave of ClexFest and the first in a series. Not exactly a road trip story, but in the same vein to get them out of Kansas. Inspired in part by my drives around the Bay Area. I'm finally starting to really appreciate living here. Thanks to Kellie, Rissa, and Nancy for beta-reading. And as always, please send feedback! 

* * *

Lex grunted as wet heat enveloped his cock. He started thrusting his hips forward, pushing in and out, feeling muscles contracting, relaxing, and contracting again around it. Desperate hands grabbed his shoulders, groping down his back, urging him to push harder, never to stop. He leaned down and kissed hungry lips, letting tongues tangle together, mouths breathing heavily into each other. He could hear sweet whispers sounding his name over and over again as he ground deeper and deeper. He shut his eyes, blood pulsing through his body, muscles growing tenser, tighter in anticipation of release. Finally, he let go one last thrust, screaming a name as he came, feeling his seed shoot forth in sweet ecstasy, muscles contracting tightly around his cock like a vice, squeezing every last drop out of him. 

As he felt his heartbeat, his breathing return to normal, he slowly pulled out, grabbing clumsily to remove the condom and gathering enough attention to deftly tie it off and toss it into the wastebasket near the bed. He moved over slightly and collapsed onto the bed, rolling over onto his back and sighing at the feel of a firm mattress and soft sheets under him. He breathed deeply as he closed his eyes and felt himself come down from his orgasm. He felt a body shift next to him. 

"So," a voice said. "Who's Clark?" 

* * *

(The day after) 

That was a first. 

A beautiful teenaged farm boy had been starring in his sexual fantasies since that fateful day at the river, but this was the first time Lex had actually lost control enough to let his name slip from his lips in the heat of passion. Vivian had been surprisingly accommodating about the whole situation, pointing out the fact that they were just casual acquaintances who happened to fuck occasionally-- no need to take it personally-- and that it was strangely comforting that he had called out the name "Clark." At least it wasn't another woman's name-- like "Victoria" or "Helen." 

"Lex?" a voice called out from the hallway. 

Lex sighed and called back, "Hey, Clark," not bothering to turn around as he heard footsteps behind him. 

"You busy?" 

"No, just... thinking," Lex answered as he turned around, offering Clark a welcoming smile. He had been absentmindedly staring out the window, replaying last night's events in his mind. 

"So, looking forward to graduation?" he asked as he walked over to the leather armchair and sat down. 

"Sort of. Not really," Clark admitted as he sat down across from Lex. "You know me-- I never really fit in at Smallville High. I'm not really looking forward to making a big deal out of celebrating the last four years there." 

"Then make a big deal out of celebrating getting the hell out of there," Lex said, smirking. 

Clark chuckled lightly before saying, "Actually, I'm more excited about this graduation trip." 

After all these years, Clark's parents had finally come to accept Clark and Lex's friendship and agreed to let Lex take him on a trip somewhere as a graduation present. 

"Have you decided where you want to go yet?" Lex asked. He had made the offer weeks ago, but Clark had yet to tell him their destination. 

"No... I think about it all the time, but I just can't seem to decide. It's hard when you can go anywhere you want." 

"Well, not anywhere. I promised your parents I'd keep you in the country." 

Clark smiled, but said nothing more, staring into his lap and playing with his hands. 

"Something wrong, Clark? You look like you've got something on your mind." 

"Um, yeah, actually," Clark started slowly, clearing his throat. "Well, no, nothing's 'wrong.' I just have something I wanted to talk to you about." 

"Of course, Clark. You know you can talk to me about anything." 

"I know. And I think you're the only person I could really talk to about this anyway." 

"Now, I'm intrigued," Lex said, tilting his head and leaning forward to flash his friend a mischievous smile. 

Clark took a deep breath, refusing to meet Lex's eyes, and blurted out, "I had sex." 

Lex jerked his head straight and stilled for a moment, trying to fight the sheer panic, shock. 

"Excuse me?" he managed to ask coolly. 

"I had sex," Clark repeated, finally looking up at Lex. 

Lex's heart began to race, his mind reeling. Disappointment and jealousy rushed through him. Disappointment about what? Jealousy over what? That Clark hadn't asked him to be his first? _Get a grip, Lex,_ he told himself. 

He could handle this, he thought. People saw him as "Lex Luthor, Sex God." He could be the cool, older friend that his younger, newly debauched friend could come to about his first time, to get advice, to have someone to talk to. 

"I see," Lex said, regaining his composure. "Well, congratulations, Clark. Who was the lucky girl?" 

"Guy." 

"Guy?" 

"Guy." 

Lex rubbed his temples for a moment, trying to stop the headache he could feel coming on. 

"Clark, I had a rough night," Lex said wearily. "Could you please not mess with me today?" 

"I'm not messing with you, Lex," Clark said softly. 

Lex looked up to find Clark looking at him with wide eyes, eyes that were desperately looking for acceptance, comfort. Lex met them firmly and opened his mouth to reassure his friend, but he wasn't sure what to say. 

"Do you remember my friend Adam?" Clark started, deciding it was just better to start from the beginning. He stood up and started to pace nervously about the room as he prepared to tell Lex the whole story. 

"Um, yes. I think so," Lex said, trying to follow along with Clark, despite his confusion and the growing pain in his head. "I met him at the Talon, right?" 

"Yeah, right," Clark said, remembering. "Well, we've known each other for years-- you know, small town and everything-- but never really hung out or anything. But last summer, with Chloe and Pete both away in Metropolis, Adam and I started to spend some more time together." 

"And?" 

"And we realized we were attracted to each other." 

Lex remained silent, letting the words sink in, trying to process what Clark was telling him. He wasn't sure if he wanted to hear the rest, but he was unable to suppress his curiosity. 

"So, what happened?" Lex asked before rolling his eyes and clarifying his question. "Well, I know what happened. I mean, how did it happen? Okay, I know 'how' it happened. I mean... you know what I mean," he finished lamely. 

Clark smiled at Lex's stammering-- who knew he could make Lex Luthor nervous talking about sex? 

"It was the middle of the summer and we were hanging out in the loft," Clark explained. "It had been so hot all day and the air was finally beginning to cool around us," he said, his eyes glazing over as he stared out the study window and remembered that first night. "We were just talking about stuff, nothing in particular, when he suddenly leaned over and kissed me." 

Lex could feel his heart beginning to race again, his breathing growing heavier as he was filled with envy, lust. 

"How did it make you feel?" he almost whispered, picturing the scene in his mind. 

"Strange. Surprised. Good," Clark answered, blushing and turning around to walk back towards the sofa, unaware of how his words were affecting Lex. "We didn't do much more than kiss that night, but when we realized this wasn't just some idle experimentation, we decided to try to date." 

"You've been dating this whole time?" Lex asked, snapping his head up in surprise. 

"Well, yeah, but in secret, of course," Clark answered, almost apologetically. "God, I wish I could have told someone, but I was so nervous, he was so nervous. It was all just so new and we didn't want to have to deal with what other people thought. We just wanted to work out what we felt between ourselves. Who knew where it would go?" 

"So, you're gay?" Lex asked bluntly. 

"Well, bisexual technically," Clark corrected. "I have to admit, I'm still attracted to women." 

"Mm," Lex murmured, nodding. "Like Lana." 

"Yeah, like Lana," Clark said pathetically. 

"Just out of curiosity, Clark," Lex said, still trying to sort out everything Clark was telling him, "when did you realize you were bisexual?" 

"Um... for a while now," Clark said, remembering how he felt when he first realized how much he was attracted to Lex, how much he enjoyed those intense stares and heated looks. "I mean, I've been having these kinds of feelings for years now, but I guess I didn't really do anything about it until Adam." 

"I see," Lex said, his heart dropping in his chest. He had thought it was impossible for them all these years because Clark was straight. Apparently, that wasn't the case. 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," Clark said, seeing Lex's expression and fearing that he had hurt him. Lex had told Clark about his bisexuality over a year ago. "Especially after you... I guess I was just..." 

"Scared," Lex finished for him, forgetting his own shock for a moment and remembering what it was like for him all those years ago. "I know, Clark," he said as he looked at Clark and tried to be supportive. "I understand." 

"Yeah. The only people I told were my parents." 

"You told your parents?" 

"Yeah, I know," Clark said, laughing lightly. "It sounds weird, but my parents and I have been through a lot together. I needed to talk to someone about it and they were the only ones I could turn to." 

"You could have turned to me," Lex said almost spitefully. 

"I know and I'm sorry," Clark answered quickly. "Like I said, I wish I had told you sooner. I just..." he trailed off before confessing that he hadn't been ready to come out with not only his sexuality, but also his feelings for Lex. Still wasn't ready, at least for the latter. 

"It's okay, Clark," Lex reassured, knowing that he shouldn't make Clark feel bad because of his own jealousy and disappointment. 

Clark breathed a sigh of relief, glad to know that Lex understood. He had known that Lex would understand. 

"In any case," Clark continued, "even though we really care about each other, we decided that with us going away to school so far away from each other and knowing how many things could change once we got to college, we would break it off before graduation. Plus, he's going away to school early-- he left this morning." 

"But not without..." Lex started, returning to the original point of the conversation. 

"Right. Not without..." Clark trailed off, blushing and unable to finish the sentence. 

Lex nodded, feeling like he had just been told his lover had cheated on him. But he hadn't. Clark wasn't his lover. Clark didn't even know how Lex felt about him. 

He laughed inwardly at the irony that he had cried out Clark's name last night probably around the same time Clark had been having sex for the first time. With a man. 

He sighed and looked up at Clark. He had to ask. 

Few people knew how much of a masochist he could be. 

"So, how was it?" 

"Great," Clark answered immediately, blushing darker than Lex had ever seen before, looking younger than he had ever seemed before. "Incredible. New." 

Lex smiled sadly at him, studying his face and then staring out at nothing as he tried to think of what to say, but got lost in his own feelings and thoughts. 

"Are you mad at me, Lex?" Clark asked tentatively. 

"Why would I be mad at you, Clark?" Lex asked, returning his attention to his friend. 

"I don't know," Clark shrugged awkwardly. "Because I didn't tell you sooner." 

"No, Clark. I'm not mad at you," Lex said, shaking his head and putting on a comforting smile. "Quite the contrary-- I'm very happy for you. Most people can't really speak so fondly of their first time." 

"What about you?" Clark asked. "What was it like for you?" 

"With a man or a woman?" 

"Either. Both." 

Lex sighed. "Let's just say that my first time-- with a man or a woman-- was hardly as sweet as yours." 

Clark just looked at Lex, wondering what life was like for him. He knew Lex had probably been involved with a lot of people, but outside of the few he met while in Smallville, Clark had never really heard anything about them. 

"Come on, Clark," Lex said, shaking off Clark's scrutiny and rising from his chair. "I think this calls for some champagne." 

Clark smiled and followed Lex down to the kitchen. Clark deserved a toast and Lex needed a drink. 

* * *

Clark felt a little better after a couple of glasses of champagne and started to tell Lex more about Adam and their relationship over the past year. Lex moved onto harder alcohol. 

Clark talked about how it was all so new, so different, but being friends with Adam first helped a lot. By the time they admitted they were attracted to each other, began to bring the physical into their relationship, it just felt natural, right. Clark had struggled with his brief relationships with both Lana and Chloe-- he just couldn't make them work despite the fact that they were clearly attracted to each other and happened to be good friends too. That's what people were supposed to do, right? Fall in love with your best friend, be both lovers and friends, have the physical and the emotional? Clark had started to think it was impossible-- until he grew closer to Adam. 

Lex just sat there while Clark rambled on about everything, interested out of morbid curiosity to get all the details, but feeling like this was some kind of special torture designed just for him. He almost couldn't believe what he was hearing-- that Clark became attracted to his friend, that it felt right, natural. Lex almost couldn't help from screaming, "Why wasn't it me? What about me?" Last time he checked, he was supposed to be Clark's best friend and he'd invested a lot more time and effort in Clark over the past four years. Definitely more than this "Adam" guy, he sneered silently in his head. 

"And Lex?" Clark said, interrupting Lex's thoughts. "I want to thank you." 

"For what?" 

"For telling me about your own bisexuality last year," Clark said with a grateful look on his face. "It really helped me out. I didn't feel like I was completely alone, a freak that no one would understand or accept. It made it easier to face these feelings I had because I knew that you had the same type of feelings." 

_Yes, but for you,_ Lex thought to himself. 

"I'm glad it made you feel better, Clark," he replied before adding, "but I didn't tell you for that-- I told you because I thought it was an important thing to know about me." 

_And out of some futile attempt to let you know that I was available to you,_ he added silently. 

"I know. I'm just saying..." Clark trailed off and just smiled at Lex, eyes bright and almost giddy. "Wait, what time is it?" he said suddenly, looking at his watch. "I've got to go. I still have some chores to do before dinner." 

Lex nodded, watching Clark finish off his last glass of champagne and get ready to leave. 

"Thanks again, Lex," he said as he stood in the doorway. "For everything." 

"No problem, Clark," Lex answered. 

And then, Clark was gone. 

* * *

(At the Kent Farm, a few days before graduation) 

"He told you, didn't he?" Martha asked Lex as they stood on the porch, drinking coffee together and watching Clark laugh and talk with his friends. The Kents' party was one in a long line of graduation parties, but the only one Lex had decided to attend. 

"Excuse me, Mrs. Kent?" Lex asked, turning to look at her. 

"It's Martha and I said, 'he told you, didn't he?'" she repeated, turning to face Lex as well. "About Adam?" 

Lex nodded, understanding. "Yes, he did." 

"And?" 

"And... I'm glad that he was able to come to terms with his sexuality and that he found someone he cared about, someone that cared about him." 

"Yes," Martha said, considering Lex's words. "But I'm worried about Clark." 

"In what way? He seems to have handled the breakup pretty well," Lex said as he looked over at Clark again. "They seemed to have come to a pretty reasonable, mutual decision. Things change when you go to college, after all." 

"I know. I'm not talking about that," Martha said, shaking her head. "I'm talking about Clark coming to terms with his sexuality in general. He hasn't had anyone to really talk about it with." 

"I thought he talked to you about it." 

"He did, but more in the sense that he was coming out to us," she replied, sighing. "Jonathan and I love him, accept him no matter what, but we're not exactly the most equipped people to help him with this-- the feelings he's experiencing, his own perception of who he is, how his life might change." 

"It's hard to find someone to give that kind of guidance," Lex said, staring into his coffee. "Especially in a town like Smallville." 

"But he has you, Lex," Martha answered gently. 

Lex looked up at her, surprised to hear her recognize their friendship in this way. 

"Lex, I grew up in Metropolis and I've heard the stories, the rumors," she said softly, keeping her voice low, but clear. "I know that you're more 'worldly' than you let on here in Smallville." 

"Well, it's not exactly easy to be out and proud here, Martha," Lex answered quietly, letting out a nervous laughing. He wondered how long she had known and what she really thought about his friendship with her newly eighteen-year-old son. 

"I know and that's just it," she said. "You've obviously learned to deal with it somehow." 

"Somehow," Lex repeated tiredly. "I didn't exactly have the support network Clark has. I've had my fair share of run-ins because of my sexuality." 

"Yes, and I know that I can't protect Clark from everything, but I want him to be prepared and have someone to go to that understands the challenges he's going to face." Martha studied Lex as he refused to meet her eyes. "Lex, you're a good friend to him," she continued in a comforting, but serious voice. "It took us a while to finally admit it, but you are, and I want to make sure you'll be there for him." 

"Martha, I don't get to pick and choose what I'm there for him on," he answered firmly, finally meeting her eyes. "I'm just here, ready to help him in any way I can." 

Martha nodded sternly, seeing sincerity in Lex's eyes. 

"Thank you, Lex," she said and then walked down the stairs to join her husband watch their baby before he became a man forever. 

* * *

"Leaving, Lex?" Clark asked as he turned around to see Lex come up the loft stairs. As the party died down, Clark had come into the loft for a little time alone. 

"Yes, but not before I tell you where we're going on your graduation trip," Lex answered as he stepped onto the landing. 

"I thought I got to decide," Clark said, smiling at his friend. "I'm the one graduating, after all." 

"You snooze, you lose, Clark," Lex said as he brushed non-existent lint off of his shirtsleeve. 

Clark laughed lightly at hearing Lex Luthor use such a banal phrase. 

"So, where are we going?" he asked, curiously. 

"San Francisco," Lex answered firmly. 

"San Francisco?" Clark repeated, raising his eyebrows in surprise. 

"Well, the Bay Area to be exact, but yes, San Francisco." 

Clark frowned for a moment, understanding dawning on him. 

"This doesn't have anything to do with my recent confession, does it?" he asked suspiciously. 

"Maybe," Lex answered, shrugging casually. "But California is also a very popular vacation destination, Clark. Especially the Bay Area." 

"Okay, Lex," Clark agreed enthusiastically. "Sounds great." 

"Good," Lex said, nodding with a satisfied smile before turning to leave. "I'll give you a call later and we'll figure out the details." 

"Sounds good. And Lex?" 

"Yes?" Lex said, pausing halfway down the stairs to look back. 

"Thanks," Clark said, smiling. 

Lex returned his smile and left the barn, his step a little lighter in anticipation of their trip. 

* * *

(San Francisco Airport, a few weeks later) 

"Jesus, Lex," Clark said as he walked out of the airport terminal and spotted what must be Lex's car waiting at the curb-- a brand new silver Mercedes SL55 convertible. "What happened to driving a crappy rental car when you're on vacation?" 

"This is a rental car," Lex said as he took the keys from the attendant and slipped him a tip. Clark was always amazed to see how smoothly Lex did that. 

"Yeah, but I thought rental cars were supposed to be tiny Chevy Cavaliers or Dodge Neons with ruined alignment and no power windows," Clark explained as he handed his carry-on over to be loaded into the car. 

"Please, stop," Lex said, making a face as he walked over to the car. "You're making me upset just talking about it." 

Lex threw the keys over to Clark. 

"What are these for?" Clark said, looking confusedly at the keys in his hand. 

"You're driving, Clark," Lex simply said as he opened the passenger door and slid into a plush leather seat. "This is your trip after all." 

* * *

Lex leaned back on the head rest, putting on his sunglasses to hide his eyes from the world. He sneaked a peek over at Clark, smiling as he was reminded once again how beautiful he was. Wind blowing through his hair, Clark flew down the freeway, smiling as the engine hummed under him, the car obeying his every move as it hugged every curve of the winding road. 

They cut through the foothills and headed toward the beach. Lex had reserved a suite at the Half Moon Bay Ritz Carlton, hoping to spend a day at the beach before heading up to San Francisco. 

"Take this exit," Lex said, pointing at the off-ramp. 

Clark nodded silently and followed Lex's directions. 

They drove in a comfortable silence as they neared the coast, soaking in the feel of summer sun and the vision of clear blue skies stretching out over their heads. 

* * *

Lex could feel himself falling asleep. He was lying down in his room, arm hooked over his eyes and the faint sound of CNBC in the background. After arriving at the hotel, Clark and Lex had checked into their suite and retired to their individual rooms, each looking to get out of their traveling clothes, shower and get a little rest. 

"Lex? Are you in there?" Clark's voice called out through the bedroom door. 

"Yes, Clark. Hold on," Lex answered, getting up. 

"I wanted to walk out to the beach," Clark said as the door opened. 

"Okay, but it's getting kind of late, Clark," Lex said as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. 

"I know," Clark said as he walked into Lex's room. "I just wanted to go look at the water. You know, the ocean? We don't have that in Kansas." 

"Okay," Lex said, chuckling. "Let me just put some shoes on." 

"Wear something you can slip off. You know, so we can walk on the sand along the water." 

"Are we going to hold hands too?" Lex muttered under his breath as he slipped on some leather sandals. He was still a little sleepy and a sleepy Lex was usually a cranky Lex. 

"Only if you want to," Clark called back lightly as he walked out into the sitting area. He probably wasn't meant to hear Lex's comment, but that's what super-hearing was for, right? 

* * *

Clark and Lex walked out onto the beach, slipping off their shoes and rolling up their pant legs. Clark asked Lex about their plans for the week, hearing Lex describe all the tourist attractions and historical sites they could visit. Clark wondered if it was even worth it to visit them-- Lex was the best virtual tour guide ever. 

"Come on, Clark," Lex said, turning around to head back to the hotel. "It's getting late and knowing you, you're probably hungry again." 

"I am, but I want to watch the sunset first," Clark said as he followed Lex, but stopped short to sit down. "Come on," he said as he patted the spot next to him. 

Lex sighed, knowing it was pointless to argue and that there really was no rush to get inside, especially with Clark inviting him to sit next to him. 

They sat on the sand together, watching the sun disappear into the horizon, the sky turning brilliant shades of pink, orange and purple. 

"This is kind of romantic, isn't it?" Clark said, playfully bumping his shoulder up against Lex's. 

"Um, I guess," Lex answered a little weakly. 

Lex had a momentary panic attack, wondering in his mind what he was doing there. He had convinced himself that he had brought Clark here to experience California, the Bay Area, somewhere different than Smallville, somewhere where it was okay to be gay or geeky or whatever. This was his graduation gift to him. 

But instead, Lex found himself sitting in a perfectly romantic setting with the young man he had been lusting after for the past four years, but knowing that it would never happen. Before, he could convince himself that it was because Clark was too young, or too straight, but after that fateful day at the mansion, after Clark's confession, after Clark's eighteenth birthday for that matter, nothing was stopping Lex. 

Except that Clark didn't feel the same way. 

"Come on, Lex," Clark said, studying Lex and seeing his discomfort. He thought maybe Lex was bored with watching the sunset or annoyed at having to sit in the sand or uncomfortable with his comment. 

He didn't realize Lex was quiet because he was going through his own personal torture. 

"Let's go inside," Clark said as he stood up and brushed the sand off his pants. "I'm hungry." 

Lex looked up and smiled, easing the awkwardness of the moment and got up to follow Clark inside. 

* * *

(The next day, San Francisco) 

"I'm glad you brought me here, Lex," Clark said as he grabbed a bottle of water and collapsed onto the couch. Lex had reserved a suite at the W, a hotel that catered to the young, rich, and stylish. 

"No problem, Clark," Lex said as he closed the door behind them and went to make himself a drink. They had done more than half of the tourist attractions in one day. "I'm glad you're having fun." 

"It's more than that," Clark said, sitting up on the couch and looking at Lex. "You're having fun too." 

"I always have fun with you, Clark," Lex said frankly, his back still to Clark as he tipped the decanter. 

"No, I'm serious," Clark answered, watching Lex walk over to the sitting area, drink in hand. "You're not that much older than me, Lex, but sometimes I feel like you're the oldest twenty-four year old in the world." 

"I don't know if I should be offended by that or not," Lex said plainly as he sat down across from Clark and put his feet up. 

"No, I just mean that... don't you ever wish that..." 

"My life was more normal?" Lex finished for him, a slightly jaded look on his face. "That I had a regular job instead of running my own company, that I lived in a regular apartment or house instead of a Scottish castle in the middle of Kansas?" 

"Yeah, something like that," Clark said softly. 

"Of course I do, Clark," Lex sighed. "Everyday. Before I came to Smallville, before my mother died, even before I lost all my hair. But it doesn't bother me as much these days," he said, shrugging and taking a sip of his scotch. 

"Why not?" 

"I don't know. I just came to accept my life for what it was-- everybody has burdens to carry. I guess I just got over myself." 

Clark nodded, trying not to think of his own burdens and instead, looking at Lex, studying his features, his body. "I worry about you sometimes." 

"Don't worry about me, Clark," Lex dismissed, rising again and heading toward his bedroom to change his clothes for dinner. "Worry about what you're going to wear tomorrow." 

"Tomorrow? What's happening tomorrow?" 

"Why," Lex said, pausing in the doorway of his bedroom, "we're going to the Castro, of course." 

* * *

(The next day, on Castro Street) 

"Hey, Beautiful! Why don't you come on up?" a voice called out from above. 

Clark and Lex were walking down Castro Street, the epicenter of San Francisco's gay neighborhood where rainbow flags lined the streets. Clark looked up, finding a man leaning over the railing of the building's balcony, waving and smiling at him. The balcony was the patio area for The Cafe, one of the most famous gay clubs in San Francisco. 

"Um, no, it's okay," Clark said awkwardly, blushing at being the object of cat-calls. 

"Okay honey," the man said, smiling at him again and then turning his attention to Lex. "But if you do, bring your friend too." 

"Maybe later," Lex answered with an apathetic look on his face as he turned to continue walking down the street. 

"Really?" Clark said, catching up quickly. 

"It's one of the most popular gay clubs around here, Clark," Lex said casually. "I thought we'd come back tonight. It would almost be remiss to not experience it while we're here." 

"Okay," Clark said, imagining what it might be like. "Sounds... interesting." 

"It will be, Clark." 

* * *

Clark and Lex had lunch outside in front of Fuzio-- a popular restaurant that pretty much amounted to a pan-Asian noodle bar, but also happened to have very attractive waiters running around, serving food and socializing. 

"Wow. This is... different," Clark said as he watched yet another gay couple walk down the street holding hands, except this one was dressed in leather from head to toe. 

"It takes a little getting used to, but it really is a nice neighborhood," Lex said, smiling at Clark's expression. 

"Do you ever think about moving out here?" Clark asked, returning his attention to Lex. 

"After the first time I visited I did. A lot," Lex admitted. "It's just different around here." 

"What do you mean?" Clark asked before adding, "Well, I know how it's different, but even if you are bisexual, I can't exactly picture you walking around with leather chaps and a rainbow t-shirt on." 

"No, not exactly," Lex said, laughing. "No, it's just a different atmosphere, a different attitude. Here, being young, rich or gay doesn't make you stick out as much. Whatever people might say about the dot.com boom, there are still plenty of very rich, young people out here-- twenty-somethings driving around in expensive cars and running their own companies. If I told someone out here that I ran my own company, they'd say, 'That's nice. What else do you do?'" 

Clark smiled at Lex's modesty. "Even though I'm sitting here, it's hard to imagine a place like that. And where everybody seems so comfortable being..." 

"Openly gay?" Lex prompted. "Straight? Gay? Bisexual? Transgender?" he rattled off. 

"Yeah," Clark said, blushing. 

"That's partly why I decided to bring you here, Clark," Lex said seriously. "It might be a little bit of a shock to your system, but I thought it would be good for you. Good for you to be in a place where you can be anyone you want to be, anything you want to be. It's not perfectly so, but around here, alternative lifestyles are celebrated." 

Clark considered Lex's words. He wondered why Lex didn't move out here if he felt so comfortable-- it wasn't like money or anything else was standing in his way. And out here, nobody seemed to flinch at mention of the name "Luthor." 

"How come you don't move out here?" Clark asked. "You seem to really like it." 

"I do, but my place in the world isn't here," Lex said, shifting in his chair and adjusting his napkin. "It's back in Smallville and Metropolis, with LexCorp and LuthorCorp. My destiny is there." 

_And with you,_ he thought. 

* * *

"Excuse me, boys. Would you like to take a sex survey?" 

Clark and Lex were walking back towards the car when Clark abruptly turned around at the question, finding a young man looking at him and smiling. He was blonde, pretty, in his early twenties, and wearing a t-shirt that said "SEX" in big blue letters. 

"Um..." 

"Come on, beautiful," the man said, smiling playfully at Clark. "I bet you've got some scintillating stories to tell." 

"Go ahead, Clark," Lex said as he gestured for the man to turn a little, showing the "Stop AIDS" logo on the back of his shirt. "It's for a good cause." 

"Okay," Clark answered reluctantly. He couldn't turn down a community service group. 

"Great," the man said, smiling brightly before looking questioningly at Lex. "Do you want your friend to stay? This is going to be pretty explicit." 

"Um, it's okay," Clark said, looking over at Lex nervously. He had already told Lex his entire sexual history anyway, however brief it was, and he felt a little less embarrassed with Lex there. "I don't mind." 

"Okay, how old are you?" the man started, clipboard raised and pen in hand. 

"Eighteen," Clark answered. That was easy enough, he thought. 

"Have you had sexual contact with another man in the past six months?" 

"Yes." Also not that bad. Maybe this wouldn't be so painful after all, Clark thought to himself. 

"How many?" 

"Um, just one," Clark said, watching the man write down his answer. He wondered how much variation they got on that number. 

"Okay. Did he perform oral sex on you?" 

"Uh, yes." 

"Okay. Did you come in his mouth?" 

"Um... yeah," Clark answered. Did he just say that out loud? He could feel the tips of his ears burning with how hard he was blushing. Looking over at Lex, who seemed to be completely emotionless and unimpressed by this line of questioning, Clark tried to shake off his shyness. 

"Okay. Did you perform oral sex on him and if so, did he come in your mouth?" 

"Yes... and um, no." 

"Okay. Good. Now, did you have anal sex with him?" 

"Uh, no..." Clark admitted. He wondered if Lex had assumed Clark and Adam had done that. Adam had wanted to, but Clark just hadn't been ready. 

"Oh, okay," the man said, crossing off some questions on the survey. "Alright, we can skip those questions then. Onto safe sex. Did you use a condom when you were having oral sex?" 

"Um, no," Clark answered, feeling a little guilty. But most people didn't use condoms for oral sex and it was both of their first times, so it should have been okay, right? Clark thought. Not to mention the fact that he couldn't get sick. 

"Okay. Have you ever been tested for STDs, not including HIV?" 

"Um, no, I haven't." 

"Have you been tested for HIV?" 

"No." 

"Okay, I think that's it," the man said as he checked off a few more boxes on the survey and wrote something on the bottom. He opened up the clipboard to reveal a pile of giveaways inside. "Here's your free condom and lube sample as well as a little pamphlet on safe sex and what we do at the Stop AIDS! Project," he said as he handed everything over to Clark. 

"Thanks," Clark said, smiling nervously as he took them into his hands and shoved the condom and lube quickly into his pocket. 

"What about you, Handsome?" the man said, turning to Lex and smiling. "Want to take one too?" 

"Sure, but I don't think it will help much," Lex said, shrugging. "I haven't had sex with another man in the past six months." 

"Oh, okay," the man said, a little surprised. He had assumed Clark and Lex were together. "Well, have you ever had sex with a man?" 

"Yes," Lex answered plainly. 

"Well, you can still answer the other questions-- this survey targets bisexual and gay men, regardless of recent sexual activity." 

"Okay," Lex answered. He didn't even bother trying to take the survey in private-- outside of that night with Vivian, his sex life had been pretty nonexistent this past year. There would be nothing that would really shock or embarrass Clark. 

"Okay, how old are you?" the man asked as he took out a fresh copy of the survey. 

"Twenty-four." 

"Have you been tested for STDs, not including HIV?" 

"Yes." 

"And when was that?" 

"About three months ago," Lex said, thinking back to his last physical. 

"Did you test positive for an STD? 

"No." 

"Okay, and have you ever been tested for HIV?" 

"Yes." 

"How long ago?" 

"Also about three months ago." 

"And did you test positive?" 

"No." 

"Okay, that's it," the man said as he opened up the clipboard again and put Lex's survey away. "Thanks! Here's your condom, lube and pamphlet!" 

"Thanks," Lex said. He gracefully took them from the man and put them in his pocket. 

* * *

"Lex? We have a problem," Clark said as he walked out of his room. 

"What?" Lex asked as he organized his wallet, his back to Clark. 

"I'm not twenty-one." 

"No, you aren't," Lex said as he turned around, slightly taken aback by the sight of Clark dressed for a night out. He was simply dressed in well-worn jeans and a crisp white button-down, sleeves rolled up and enough buttons undone to have beautifully tanned bits of skin peeking out. He looked older, a little more urban than he did in his usual flannel. Lex knew everyone would notice him. 

"But the way you look, you won't have to be," he said, trying not to sound too lustful. "But just in case, take this," he added as he handed Clark a fake ID. 

"Wow, you really are prepared," Clark said as he looked at the ID, a perfect recreation of a Kansas ID complete with Clark's picture and a conveniently altered year of birth. Clark wondered if it was an actual state-issued ID that Lex somehow had had made. 

"Just like a boy scout," Lex answered and put his wallet in his pocket, ready to go out and take Clark to his first gay club. 

* * *

Clark and Lex arrived at The Cafe around eleven o'clock, just late enough for everything to have really gotten under way. They walked up the dark stairwell and were met by a bouncer who took their IDs and did a cursory check. Lex knew that Clark didn't really need to have an ID-- the club was notorious for letting underage men in as long as they were good-looking. 

Clark tried not to be too dazed and awe-struck as they walked into the packed club, hundreds of men dancing to house music, talking, flirting, making out everywhere. Lex went over to the bar and ordered them two martinis. Clark stood off to the side taking everything in. 

"Wow, this place is packed," Clark commented as he took his drink from Lex. He had gotten used to having the occasional drink at the castle. 

"It's always like this." 

"Lex," Clark said as he leaned in closer so Lex could hear him, "I want to thank you again for the trip. It's been a lot of fun." 

"Please, Clark," Lex said, trying to pull away a little. It was distracting to have Clark so close to him. "It's the least I can do. Your parents won't let me buy you a truck." 

"No, I mean it," Clark insisted. "First the beach and then the city with all the 'touristy' stuff. I've really enjoyed it and I know it's something I would probably never get to experience if it weren't for you." Clark paused for a moment, preparing his words. "And today, here in the Castro, it's been... an experience to say the least. You know, to see people like me, to not have to hide my sexuality out here. It feels good. Liberating, somehow." 

"Well, Clark, you haven't exactly been walking around with 'HOMO' written on your forehead," Lex said jokingly, fiddling with his glass and refusing to meet Clark's eyes. Clark was still standing unnervingly close to him. Lex had made a habit invading Clark's personal space over the years, but here, in this club, and with Clark having come out, it wasn't the same. 

"I know," Clark said, laughing. "I'm just saying that even if I'm not screaming 'I like boys' to everyone around here, I don't exactly have to hide it either." 

"I like boys too, honey," a man said as he walked by and smiled at the two of them. 

"No, Clark," Lex said, looking up briefly to look the man who was already gone. "I understand. It's nice to get to be yourself, to not have to hide anything. But I don't want you to get too comfortable," he said, looking up at Clark with a warning in his eyes. "You'll still run into people who aren't as understanding about this kind of stuff. Here and definitely back in Kansas." 

"I know," Clark said, ducking his head in thought. "I haven't decided what I'm going to do when I get to college." 

"Well, Clark, you'll have to decide that for yourself," Lex said, allowing himself to run his eyes over Clark's face, his body as the young man was looking away from him. "Whatever you decide, I'll support you." 

"Thanks," Clark said, smiling and looking up. "I haven't really had anyone to talk to about this stuff." 

"At the risk of sounding bitter, Clark, you know you could have come to me earlier about this," Lex said gently, letting himself meet Clark's gaze for a moment. "You shouldn't have to go through this alone." 

"I know... I just..." Clark started, but trailed off. Having spent the last couple of days with Lex and being with him now in a crowded club with the lights low and the music pumping, Clark could feel himself growing bolder. He didn't know if he could say it with words, but maybe he could show Lex how he felt. 

"Come on," Clark said, putting down his drink and grabbing Lex's arm. "Let's go dance." 

"I don't think so, Clark," Lex said, resisting Clark's urgings. 

"Come on," Clark almost whined. "We came all the way out here and you're not going to dance?" 

Lex looked up at puppy dog eyes and pouty lips and figured, what the hell? 

"Okay, Clark. Okay." 

Lex put down his drink and let himself be dragged over to the crowded dance floor. He started to move to the music, half-heartedly at first, but as his body started to remember all those nights in Metropolis's and Gotham's finest clubs years ago, he could feel himself loosening up. 

Clark danced in front of him, his long frame moving smoothly to the music. He smiled as he watched Lex relax, let himself go a little. He stepped a little closer, venturing an arm out to snake around Lex's waist, pulling him in. Lex almost gasped at the touch. He could feel the heat of Clark's body as he moved closer. Oh God, this feels good, Lex thought to himself. He knew he shouldn't be doing this, knowing that this would only make him feel worse later, but they were just dancing and all this touching, this closeness was normal while dancing, wasn't it? 

Clark lowered his head a little, trying to get even closer to Lex, feel his body moving against his own. He wondered what would happen if he just leaned down and kissed him. He could feel Lex's erection pressing into his hip and even if it was only on the most basic level, he knew Lex wanted him too. 

With one swift movement, their hips finally met and Lex let out a moan, feeling Clark's arousal meeting his own. Lex couldn't think straight, couldn't think of anything, and lost himself in the moment. But when he suddenly felt Clark's breath on his neck, his cheek, he was jolted back into reality and why this was such a bad idea. 

"That's enough, Clark," Lex said as he pulled himself out of Clark's arms. "I'm going to go sit down." 

"Come on, Lex," Clark whined softly in Lex's ear as he heard the beat change. "Just one more song?" 

"No, it's okay," Lex said as he tried to get some distance between them. "I want another drink. You stay. I'm sure there are plenty of guys that want to dance with you." 

Clark frowned as he watched Lex quickly walk away and disappear into the crowd at the bar. Maybe Clark was pushing too hard. He had definitely known that Lex had been turned on, but maybe that was just a normal reaction when you were dancing and pressed up against someone like that. Maybe Lex was embarrassed at having been so clearly aroused physically by someone he wasn't attracted to otherwise. 

"Wanna dance?" a voice called out, getting Clark's attention. 

Clark turned to see a young man smiling at him-- tall, olive skin and dark brown hair. He had kind brown eyes and a sweet smile. 

"Um, okay," Clark said, blushing a little. 

"I'm Paul," the man said as they started to dance. "What's your name?" 

"Clark," he answered, shouting over the music. 

"I've never seen you here before," Paul said as he moved closer to Clark. 

"I'm on vacation here," Clark answered as he felt Paul brush up against him. 

"Mmm... God, where did you come from?" Paul said as he moved even closer, placing a hand on Clark's shoulder and slowly moving it down his chest. 

"Kansas," Clark said as he caught Paul's hand before it roamed too far. 

"Mmm," Paul said, smiling at Clark's shyness. "Are there more like you there? Because I just might have to move there." 

"No, just me," Clark said, laughing nervously. 

"Is that your boyfriend?" Paul said as he tilted his head towards the bar. 

"Huh?" Clark said, looking around and seeing Lex. Lex turned around quickly at being caught watching them. "Oh, no. Just a friend." 

"Good," Paul said, smiling at Clark, and pulled him closer. 

* * *

"Scotch. Neat," Lex said as he walked up to the bar. 

The bartender nodded and poured Lex's drink, handing it over quickly. Lex took a sip, frowning slightly at the quality, and leaned up against the counter. 

He needed to get his act together. He had let himself be drawn in by Clark-- Clark, who was just dancing very close to him and seemed very aroused by it. Lex tried to shake off his lust, reminding himself that Clark was an eighteen-year-old man who probably became aroused when the wind blew just the right way. He was just being playful, dancing and having fun, not trying to hit on Lex. And Lex leaving the dance floor, walking away was better for both of them in the long run-- Clark wouldn't have to be embarrassed by Lex misinterpreting his actions and Lex wouldn't have to feel the sting of rejection from his best friend. 

Feeling a little better, Lex turned around to look around the club and make sure Clark was okay. He was dancing with someone new-- another young man who was probably not that much older than Clark and from where Lex was standing, looked just as sweet and innocent as him. He was happy for him-- Clark should be dancing with someone like that, not a Luthor who was desperately, embarrassingly, secretly in love with him. 

Lex turned away, having been caught staring, and finished his drink. He ordered another one and walked out to the balcony to get some air. 

* * *

"Hey, Lex," Clark said as he walked up behind Lex. "Let's go." 

"Are you sure?" Lex asked as he turned around and leaned back on the balcony railing. "You seemed to be having fun." 

"I am. But I'm getting kind of tired. And hungry," Clark added. 

"Okay," Lex said as he put down his drink and started to walk back inside. "Let me just pay the tab and we'll go get something to eat." 

"Great. I'll meet you outside." 

* * *

"Lex, can I ask you something?" Clark said, wiping his mouth with his napkin. They had come to the Bagdad Caf right around the corner to get a late night snack. Clark was almost finished with his club sandwich and fries while Lex just continued to enjoy his second glass of water. 

"Sure," Lex said as he took another sip. 

"When we were taking the survey today, you said that you hadn't slept with a man in the past six months." 

"Yes," Lex answered, wondering where Clark was going with this. 

"Well, it just got me thinking," Clark said as he finished off his last bite and wiped his hands. "Even though you came out to me last year, I've never seen you with a man or even heard you mention one you were seeing." 

"Well, Clark, it's not exactly the best thing for my image to be openly dating men while in Smallville, or even Metropolis for that matter. Besides, outside of Helen, I don't exactly 'date.'" 

"I guess," Clark said, seeing Lex's point. "So, have you ever had a serious relationship with another man?" 

"Well, it depends on your definition of 'serious,'" Lex answered casually. He figured Clark was just curious about what living a bisexual lifestyle would be like. He had only had heterosexual examples his whole life. "I've had some intense relationships with other men, but none of them were really serious-- the pressure of my public life even when I was younger was too great to openly date another man." 

"Did you wish you could?" 

"Oh, of course," Lex replied lightly. "But if you think my father's a pain in the ass now, there's no telling what he would do if I announced to the world that I had a boyfriend." 

"So, you don't have a boyfriend because of your father?" Clark said, eyebrows creased in confusion. Clark had seen Lex stand up to his father a thousand times. He didn't think Lex would fold on such a personal matter. 

"No, not exactly," Lex said. "In the beginning, maybe. But later, when it came down to standing up to my father and the PR nightmare or just keeping it casual and secretive with someone, I chose the latter. Most of the time, it just wasn't worth it." 

Clark frowned at that. 

"Don't get me wrong, Clark," Lex continued, trying to explain to his friend that he wasn't a complete playboy. "I'm not saying the men I've been involved with didn't mean anything to me-- I'm just saying that they were usually pretty casual relationships and were often with men who were in the same predicament as me. So, we usually just kept it casual until one or both of us got bored." 

"Did any of them ever want more?" Clark asked, wondering if there was ever a possibility of having something with Lex. 

"Not really," Lex said, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly. When he saw the worried look on Clark's face, he sighed deeply and explained, "Clark, you have to understand that most, if not all of the people I've ever been involved with, were probably using me one way or another." 

"What about Helen?" 

"I think I loved her," Lex admitted. "Maybe not in love with her, but I cared for her very much. She reminded me of someone... something that I desperately wanted," Lex said, remembering how he had projected his need for acceptance and trust from Clark onto her. "But of course, you remember how that turned out." 

"I'm sorry, Lex," Clark said, remembering how scared he was when he heard what had happened after the wedding. 

"Don't be sorry, Clark," Lex said a little weary. "I'm not. This is just the way my life is." 

* * *

Clark and Lex returned to the hotel and retired to their rooms to get ready for bed. Clark brushed his teeth and washed his face before stripping down to his boxers. 

But he didn't get into bed. 

Instead, he checked himself in the mirror, running his hands through his hair, trying to gain some control of the wavy mess on his head. Clark had decided at some point during the night, at the club or at the diner he wasn't really sure, that he was going to tell Lex his feelings, go after what he had been fantasizing about for years. 

After so many years of his crush on Lana, Clark had been surprised when he first started to spend time with Lex and found that his attraction to him didn't die down. At first, he had thought that it was just a reaction to saving him that day on the bridge, a reaction to how different Lex was from everyone and everything in Smallville. But as he grew closer to Lex, as their friendship weathered the tests of Hamilton, Nixon, the red meteor rock incidents and more, Clark realized there was something between them that was frighteningly strong, sexually charged and undeniably intense. 

Being at the club, dancing with Paul, Clark realized that he was attracted to other people, but none could ever compare to Lex. Paul, even Adam, were just distractions, preparation to gather enough courage to tell Lex how he felt. At the diner, listening to Lex talk about his past relationships, Clark wanted to show Lex that he wanted and loved Lex for Lex-- not his last name, his money, or power. This was the kind of friend he was to Lex and this was the kind of lover he wanted to become with Lex. 

Clark was scared, nervous, but resolute. Maybe he was too jetlagged to fight his instincts any more, but Clark realized that it was now or never. He didn't even know exactly what he was going to say or how he was going to do it, but he knew that it was the perfect time and the perfect place-- out here in California, alone, together with no one to see, no one to watch, no one to judge. 

Clark took one last look at himself, took a deep breath, and walked out of his room. 

* * *

Lex took his time getting ready for bed, slowly taking off his watch and slipping off his shoes, his socks. He walked around his room barefoot for a little while, considering whether or not to have another drink before bed. He stopped in front of the bathroom mirror, running a hand over his scalp and staring at his reflection. It had been a long day and despite all the sexually charged moments and personal talks, Lex had to admit that he was enjoying the trip. 

Sometimes, it was so hard to be around Clark-- Lex couldn't help his feelings. He had fallen in love with Clark the day they met and his feelings had not wavered a bit since then. In fact, if anything, they had grown stronger and deeper. But even with Clark's newfound sexuality, Lex realized that Clark would never feel the same way about him and he couldn't just keep on holding onto some misguided hope for something to happen. 

Lex decided that if Clark really had feelings for him, if he was even remotely attracted to him, he would have done something about it a long time ago. Or at least he would have come out to Lex sooner. Clark hardly knew Adam until last summer and he had jumped into a relationship with him. No, Lex thought sadly to himself, it would just have to be a case of unrequited love. 

Still, Lex thought to himself, he could never give up their friendship. Even with all the torturous moments and sometimes almost uncontrollable desire to touch or kiss Clark, Lex valued their friendship immensely. Clark made him feel good, feel like he was a good man, and that he was something more than a spoiled rich kid with an overgrown sense of self-importance. 

Clark calmed him, comforted him, and made him feel like just being himself was finally good enough. Clark's capacity to understand and forgive him all these years seemed unending. And even though Lex still wondered about Clark's secrets, Clark's friendship and companionship meant more than all the secrets in the world. Only Clark could make Lex let go of his past. 

Lex sighed wistfully and went back into the bedroom to get ready for bed. He untucked his shirt and was starting to undo the buttons when he heard a knock. 

"Clark? Is something wrong?" he said as he answered the door. 

Lex breathed in sharply at the sight of Clark. His mouth fell agape and he ran his eyes up Clark's body, soaking in the vision of miles of flawless golden skin, a slightly mussed head of soft, shiny hair, and intense green eyes staring back at him. 

"Lex, there's something I want to tell you." 

Lex closed his mouth and nodded, stepping back to let Clark in. He decided he would have a drink after all. 

"What is it, Clark?" Lex said as he walked over to the bar. 

"I want to explain to you why I didn't come out to you sooner," Clark said as he followed Lex, stopping to stand in front of him. 

"Clark, it's okay," Lex said, pouring the drink and refusing to look at Clark. This shouldn't be a big deal-- they were both men, they should be comfortable around each other even in various states of undress. It was like a locker room, right? "It's not an easy thing to tell anybody in the beginning." 

"Yeah," Clark said as he reached out and took the drink from Lex's hand, setting it down. "Especially you." 

"Why-- " 

"Lex, are you attracted to me?" Clark cut off, placing a hand on Lex's arm and causing him to finally look up. 

"Yes. I am," Lex said breathlessly before he could stop himself. 

"How come you never said anything? Did anything?" 

"I thought you were straight," Lex answered plainly as he shrugged his shoulders and tried to step away. 

"And now?" Clark asked, reaching out to hold Lex with both arms, making sure he didn't move away. 

"I didn't think you wanted me," Lex said softly, sadly. 

"How could you ever think that?" Clark said in an almost pained voice as he gently ran his hand over Lex's scalp, sending a shiver through both of them. "You're beautiful." 

"Clark, please," Lex said as he shut his eyes, trying to clear his head. "This whole thing is new to you. You're just curious. I can help you deal with your sexuality all you want, but not this way." He finally stepped back. "I can't sleep with you." 

"Why not?" 

"Because it wouldn't just be about sex," Lex said as he walked away, crossing the room to get some distance. 

"And you think it would be for me?" Clark said as he turned to face Lex. 

"Why else would you be here?" 

"Because I'm attracted to you," Clark said almost sarcastically as he closed the distance between them, stopping a few feet in front of Lex. "Because I care about you. Because I'm in love with you." 

Lex stepped back in surprise. "What about Adam?" 

"What about him?" Clark said in a confused voice. 

"I thought you were in love with him," Lex said, shaking his head, unable to believe what he'd just heard. "You only broke up with him a few weeks ago." 

"I liked Adam. Still do," Clark answered, shrugging. "But I don't know if I was in love with him." 

"You chose him to be your first," Lex said, fidgeting and staring at the floor. 

"I would rather it have been you," Clark said softly, watching Lex intently. 

Lex laughed softly. "Me too." 

Clark smiled, finally getting a real reaction from Lex, a sign that he felt the same way and that this whole thing wasn't completely in vain. 

"I was scared, Lex," Clark said. "I was fifteen when I first realized I had feelings for you. It took me years to get used to the idea that I was bisexual. And then... well, even after you came out to me, how could I confess my own feelings to you? You're older, more experienced..." 

"Clark, I would never have... " Lex said quickly as he looked up at Clark, desperate to show him that he would never done anything to hurt him. "I would have been happy to hear you say you were attracted to me. Am happy. I've been fantasizing about this moment since I met you too." Lex frowned. "Well, not exactly like this, but..." 

Clark smiled and closed the remaining distance between them. He gently placed strong hands on Lex's shoulders, sliding them down his arms. 

"Then, what are we waiting for?" he asked as Lex met his gaze. 

Lex opened his mouth to say something, but he didn't get a chance-- Clark leaned forward and kissed him-- firmly, purposefully. He felt Lex react under him, opening his mouth and returning the kiss whole-heartedly, deeply. Lex's hands reached around Clark's waist, sliding up his back and pulling him closer. Clark started to kiss even more fervently when he felt Lex's hands on his body, quickly guiding Lex over to the bed and starting to undress him. 

As Lex's shirt came off, Clark pushed his body against him, reveling in the feel of his skin against his own, and gently tipped them over onto the bed. Clark climbed on top of Lex, surprised by his own forwardness, his lack of shyness. He had been practicing for this moment in his head for years now. There wasn't a script, but somehow, he knew exactly what to do. 

Lex closed his eyes as he felt Clark's weight on top of him, his erection meeting his own, and let a small moan escape his lips, prompting Clark to grind up against him and kiss him even more. Lex had imagined this for years, but it was so much better in reality. He was overwhelmed by it all-- Clark's declaration of love, Clark's lips on his own, Clark's body on his own. He thought he might start crying from the intensity of it all-- it was as if it was his first time all over again. But this time, so much better. 

"Clark?" Lex said suddenly, grabbing Clark's head to get his attention and staring deeply into his eyes. "Promise me this won't change things." 

"What do you mean?" Clark said breathlessly, face and body flushed from excitement. 

"Promise me you'll still be my friend when this is all over." 

"Okay," Clark agreed readily as he leaned down to press another sweet kiss to Lex's lips. "But it's never going to be over." 

* * *

"Lex, stop." 

"What's wrong? Is this going too fast?" 

"No, it's just... I want to feel... I want to feel you inside me." 

"Clark, I..." 

"Please, Lex. It's not everything, but you can at least be my first in this." 

"It is everything, Clark. It is." 

* * *

Clark spooned Lex as they lay in bed to spend their last night together in San Francisco. Clark dotted kisses along Lex's neck, his shoulders. Lex lay his head contentedly on his pillow, stroking Clark's arms and smiling at the leather bracelet Clark was still wearing despite being completely naked otherwise. They had gone shopping and on a whim, Lex had picked out matching leather bracelets for them. He explained to Clark their significance and Clark had happily let Lex put his on his wrist. 

Lex frowned, thinking about it more. This was moving too fast. Even if Clark had been having feelings for Clark since he was fifteen, he was still young, innocent. He had only come out to his family a little over a year ago and he still hadn't come out to his friends. He couldn't possibly understand what he was getting into. 

"Clark?" 

"Mmm?" Clark answered as he continued to press kisses against Lex's skin, sucking gently until the skin turned pink. 

"What are you going to tell your parents?" 

"What do you mean?" Kiss. "The truth." 

"And what's that?" 

"That we're together. That you're my... boyfriend... right?" Clark asked, suddenly stopping to sit up a little, looking over Lex's shoulder to see his face. 

"Is that what you want?" Lex said, staring in front of him, feeling Clark's eyes on him. 

"Of course, Lex," Clark said as he sat up fully, gently pulling at Lex to face him. "What else would I want? Isn't that what you want?" 

"Yes," Lex sighed as he turned over to lay on his back and look up at Clark. "But I'm just saying that things will be different when we get back to Smallville. Things will be different when you move away to school. People aren't going to be as understanding as they are here." 

"I know. I'm ready to deal with it, but the bigger question is, are you ready to deal with that?" 

"Clark, I'm just saying that it's going to be a big deal if you end up being unfavorably associated with me," Lex said as he sat up too and leaned back against the pillows. 

"I thought I already was," Clark observed, smirking as he caressed Lex's leg through the sheet. 

"I'm serious, Clark," Lex said gravely, placing his hand on Clark's. "You said you hadn't decided what you were going to when you got to school-- that decision might be made for you. It's easier out here not just because people are more understanding. It's also because most people don't know who I am. The name 'Luthor' doesn't ring as many bells." 

"So, do you want to keep it a secret? If anybody can, we can." 

"Well, we could try," Lex said, a little surprised Clark was so comfortable with the idea of keeping their relationship secret. If anything, he would have thought Clark would want to be open about it-- he seemed to have enough secrets as it was. "But the press will notice if we're seen together all the time. What if we decided to move in together? Have children? How could we hide it then? I don't think I could. Or would want to." 

"Then we won't," Clark said firmly, smiling to hear Lex talking about their future, to hear Lex recognizing the possibility of a future. "I know it'll be messy, Lex, but if you're willing, I'm willing." 

"And college?" Lex continued. 

"What about it?" 

"What if things change?" 

"You mean, what if I change?" Clark said softly. 

"It's been known to happen, Clark," Lex said, staring down into his lap. "You'll have moved away from home for the first time in your entire life, be surrounded by thousands of people your own age from all over the country, and be going through a whole new set of experiences. Things will change, whether you want them to or not." 

"Not how I feel about you." 

"I don't want to tie you down." 

Clark shut his eyes in frustration. "Lex, why are you bringing all this up? We can cross these bridges when we come to them-- why do we have to make all these decisions now?" 

"Because, Clark, I want you to know what you're getting into," Lex said a little too emphatically. "What I'm getting into," he added more gently. 

Clark searched Lex's face. He found fear. Anxiety. 

"Clark, I have to admit that I'm scared to death of getting into this relationship," Lex said as he looked up at Clark. Lex looked the most vulnerable Clark had ever seen. "My love for you is overwhelming. Sometimes, I feel like I'm out of control when I'm around you. I would live and die for you, Clark. I don't know if I could handle losing you." 

"You're not going to lose me, Lex," Clark whispered as he placed a large hand on Lex's face. "I'm just saying that we have to take this one step at a time. I know you're not usually comfortable with just winging it, but you'll have to do it now. You have to trust me." 

"I do, Clark," Lex said, closing his eyes and feeling the sweetness of Clark's touch. "I don't know if I trust myself." 

"Then, learn it from how much I trust you." 

* * *

To be continued... 


End file.
